The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

*warning - contains spoilers*

Finally got to watch the movie. Been waiting for it to come out. I re-read the books earlier in the year in anticipation. And waited with baited breath during the scenes near my favourite bits. But alas....

But first, let me say what I liked about it. Weta has once again done a fantastic job with creating the various costumes and creatures. Aslan looked so realistic and resplendent. The other mystical creatures look wonderful and the beavers... dare I say - look really cute!! Tilda Swinton did a fabulous job as the white witch. She was cool and aloof, yet falsely charming - and basically like what I expected the witch to be like from the book. Also, the turkish delight did look sooooooo delicious. Soft and so inviting! No wonder Edmund fell for it and got sucked in by her charm and promises! I probably would have too! The battle scene was great. Somewhat reminiscent of LOTR but, I guess that couldn't be helped. In the book, I knew they were outnumbered and have to fall back, but the movie depicted it much better than what I had in my mind. Mr and Mrs Beaver and Mr Tumnus were played very well as the likable Narnias that the children first meet. They were strange (as a faun and talking beavers would be to us!) yet warm and friendly and somehow, one wouldn't feel scared meeting them.

Two of my favourite were not depicted in the movie. One kinda was slapped on at the end, but I didn't think it worked as well at the end. The first bit was the part with the children in the Beavers' home and they were talking about Aslan. This was the first time they had heard about Aslan so were curious about who this Aslan is. From the book, you get the sense of growing curousity and this tingle down their spine (the good kind) everytime they heard the name 'Aslan'. Upon hearing that he is a lion, Lucy asks "Is he safe?" to which Beaver replies "Safe? Of course not! But he is good". What a description! What will it be like to meet a lion that is not safe but good, and the anticipation to meet this Aslan of which the Beavers talk about with such hope and eagerness eventhough they have never seen him? Do I speak of Jesus with such hope and eagerness, that it sends a tingle down the spine (the good kind) of those who are hearing about him?

Second bit, was where Lucy was giving Edmund her magic cordial and was waiting for it to take effect. Meanwhile, Aslan was reminding her that they were others that were injured as well. But Lucy somewhat dismisses his remark and wanted to wait to her her brother recover before tending to others. And Aslan says "Must more die for Edmund's sake?". That line always never fails to scare me. Why? Aslan has previous given his life for Edmund's sake. He was humiliated and then killed. But because the Deep Magic also says that if an innocent person dies on behalf of a traitor, then "death itself will be reversed". To me, the line is not spoken out of anger or impatience, but a gentle reminder (to me) that we can get so caught up in our own little world, that we forget the urgency that is out there. It speaks to the 'me first' attitude - others can wait until I have done what I need to do first. But, following Jesus is not always about the 'me first'. Loving myself is important, but I cannot put that above loving others, especially if I am merely fulfilling a selfish want.

Though I was deeply disappointed (but not entirely surprised) that these two scenes were not in the movie, I got another insight from the movie. Just before the great battle, Peter was in front of the army together with the Centaur. They see the enemy come over the rise and approach them in their vast numbers. Peter is somewhat afraid. The army waits for his orders, and I cannot help but think, I would be scared too if I were them. Its a bit silly to go into battle when you know you have less numbers than the enemy and were not actually sure you would come out of it alive. Just before the command to fight, he lifts his sword and shouts "For Narnia! For Aslan!". His army responds in kind. But as they shout that, there is a sense of hope that surges through them. Eventhough they know that Aslan is dead. They were willing to die for him. This Aslan, whom they have heard of and only seen and met briefly, who is now (to their knowledge) dead. No doubt they were also fighting for their country, but would I have fought for Aslan? How much will I 'fight' for Jesus? Would I have the same determination (and loyalty) as Peter had eventhough he knew Aslan was dead?

In the meantime, I hope to faithfully follow, the One whom I have discovered is not 'safe' but definitely good.

It'll be a Beautiful Day!!

St Paddy's Day
17 March 2006
Its going to be a blast

and I'll be there!!

Evangelism vs Mission

Evangelism is a word I have been uncomfortable with for years. Especially lately. Actually, when I used the word 'evangelism' in a conversation tonight, a friend remarked I said it like it was a dirty word. Come to think of it, its not too surprising since in my mind, it is a dirty word!! I don't like the word because I associate it with nasty tactics. From what I had learnt about evangelising and about evangelism - it is something I don't want to do. Maybe I'm just being fastidious. But this is what I associate with evangelising:

People (non-Christians) being refered to and often treating like targets; scaring people in to heaven by telling them they'll go to hell if they don't accept Christ; an exercise to get people to pray 'the sinners prayer'; something I should do to mark that I am a good Christian/doing my Christian duty; notching up stats to help me feel good about a Christian who is worried about 'saving the souls of the lost'; reciting a formulaic blurb to entice people into Christianity...

OK. Maybe that all sounds a little cynical, but all that I have heard in the past, and some of what I am hearing now to do with evangelism, usually bears the hallmarks of the paragraph above. Can't stand it! And then there's the whole televangelism thing. A-whole-nother story!

So, what then? Well, I do believe as followers of Jesus, we are to share about Jesus. If I think following Jesus is so wonderful and I have made a life choice to follow him, then it should naturally be something I want to tell people about. But I think the best way to share about Jesus, it to let my life speak of that decision to follow Jesus. I see faith as not simply a decision or promise to a person or set of beliefs, but faith is a choice to practice life. And this life is practiced in the context of a relationship - formostly with Jesus, and also with others around us. (sort of paraphrased from a quote by Leonard Sweet). In that light, I understand evangelism to be aiming to get that person to a place to make a promise or decision (I know its more than that, but...). On the other hand, I see mission as living out the faith.

For example, people are into alternative lifestyles now - organic, vegan etc. The beliefs and values that they hold that are shaping their lifestyle is communicated through their lives. These beliefs and values have permeated thier lives. They live by it, and how they express themselves is shaped by it. The beliefs and values of a Jesus follower should permeate their lives, that they will share about Jesus by simply being themselves.

So, 'mission' or 'being missional' means letting my life speak about Jesus. It means that my life will speak of my lifestyle choice to be a follower of Jesus. It means that in my relationships and friendships with others, I don't try to convert them, but sharing my faith (to use the lingo) will come naturally through conversations and actions because it is part of who I am. Its means having a longer term relationship with people, it cares not only for their spiritual side, but the whole person. Hardest of all, they get to see what an expression of faith is like!! Yikes! Now thats hard. They get to see what I am like as a follower of Jesus! And I become an expression of Jesus to them!! Gosh! In that light, it seems much easier to take 5 minutes to accost a stranger with a track! But then, isn't being incarnational? Me, being Jesus to others... and wasn't Jesus' mission incarnational? He, representing God to us...

'I had a right'

Rosa Parks, the black woman who marked the start of the modern US civil rights movement by refusing to give up her seat on the bus has died. I admit I know nothing of her life except this one courageous act that has made history. I can't imagine what it would have been like to stand up against the norm, the law, and the inequalities during that time. All I know is that because she took the courage to stand up (or rather sit down in this case!) for something she believed in, she paved the way for equality among races in the US. And she is known across the globe for this. I guess its probably also because it was a peaceful protest, and it sparked a peaceful protest.

May the spirit and courage of Rosa live on in all who seek to champion for the rights of those who have less, and may it all be done also in peace.

call security!

When I was in Sydney, there were billboards and TV ads asking people to be vigilant against terrorism - "Every little bit helps". They were encouraging people to come forward with any information that could potentially foil a terrorist attack. And recently in NZ, I heard ads on the radio, also asking people to be vigilant. About bio-security. We need to watch out for exotic pests that could potentially reek havoc on our agricultural industry.

I have to say, there is something rather comforting about being in a country whose current main security concern in bio-security. With all the bombings and rumours of eminent attacks, and increased security presence, there is something nice about arriving at an airport and having dogs sniff your bags for fruits rather than for other potentially more sinister items.

croaky!

Home sick... again. This time I went to see the doctor. Its laryngitis, so instead of talking, I now croak. This time last week I was at home, sick as well. Then I had a really bad sore throat and just felt really crook. I think whatever I had morphed into whatever I am having now. Even the doctor couldn't make a specific diagnosis, except that I have the symptoms of a bacterial infection so she has prescribed antibiotics.

And of course, as Murphy's Law would have it, I have had slightly more than usual phone calls since I have lost my voice and have ended up croaking into the end of the phone - but thankfully having very short conversations.

At least it is sunny. But day time TV is really bad. So I have ended up bugging friends via email. Heh heh...

OMG!!!

Was surfing through ship of fools and came across this. At first I thought it was a joke... until I checked out the website. I cannot imagine anyone I know remotely wanting to play this game. Anyway, isn't it a bit deceitful - inviting poor unsuspecting non-Christians to play a board game (which they probably think will be Settlers or Cranium or Pictionary etc) and you whip out this Salvation Challenge game?

But then there are several methods or inflicting salvation or evangelising that I would deem rather deceitful or ungracious. Especially those that call for you to accost a stranger and recite some formulaic story to them. Well, basically I'm referring to one that I really don't like called the Black Book. [by the way, I think websites who say they are about proclaiming the gospel and then are obsessed wioth stats are a bit suspect. Why have stats? Scare themselves into evagelising?]

The basic premise is starting with the question "Do all good people go to heaven?" Well, you can guess what happens next. But the thing is, I do not recall Jesus ever using that line on anyone in the gospels. Jesus always approaches others with compassion eventhough he was confronting them with the awful truth. The Samaritan woman, for example, he starts introducing her to life first by beginning to talk about living water. Then he confronts her 'sin' and tells her go leave her 'sinful' life behind. But all with the promise of life. The woman acknowledged what she did was wrong and that she needed to get her life right. Jesus didn't have to threaten her with the prospect of hell. If Jesus is all we say he is cut out to be, then talking about him and the life is offers should be enticing enough. Not scaring people into heaven! Gosh. They might get there, look at Jesus and say "Who are you? Not really heard of you before!"

I had to do a workshop at mid-year conference. And I ended talking about the uniqueness of Christ. In it, I urged students to listen to what others had to say, not to sound arrogant or take the high road. And most of all, to talk about how Jesus is different. Not better. Not right (and whatever others believe in is wrong). But different. Talk about life. Talk about grace. Talk about love. Thats what Jesus talked about.

But then maybe I am too pc in my approach...

hmm...

According to the test on http://www.politicalcompass.org/ I am:
Economic Left/Right: -4.88
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -2.05

Which will put me somewhere nearish Nelson Mandela...

but in an NZ context...

near the Greens - didn't vote for them and not sure if I will in the future. Maybe this explains why I found it hard to vote for this election!

over-spiritualising or just plain stupid?

I came upon this message on a particular site. I wonder if people who preach things like that will be made accountable to God for those who don't seek appropriate treatment and subsequently commit suicide. This type of irresponsible preaching undermines all the work that is done to not stigmatise mental illness and encourage people to get the right treatment.

It just makes me angry... and sick. I wonder what God would think about this message. After all, there are lots of Christians who are taking meds to help with depression and those who profesionally help those with depression. Hmm.. I wonder what she then thinks about other forms of mental illness. Ones that even professionals consider more serious and more difficult to treat like paranoid skitzophrenia (sp??) or multiple personality disorder etc. *sigh*

post-holiday

It was great escaping for a week. The first 3 days was spent catching up with Adrene, meeting Andrew and catching up with the Gohs. Wedding was great. Reflected them somewhat, though I was a bit surprised at the extravagance. But nonetheless, a privilege to be there.

Other than that, stayed in a nice hotel up the road from King's Cross (Sydney's red light disctrict). It was near enough to the city to walk. Walked through the botanical gardens, Opera house, the Rocks, Paddy's market, and along the Sydney Harbour bridge. Spent a day in Manly though it was a bit chilly so didn't spend a lot of time on the beach. Ended up doing a bit of an "urban bush walk" and "rock hopping". Fun all the same.

And of course food. Had nice Vietnamese, gelato and home cooking. The highlights were the Greek restaurant on Pitt St and the Czech place - Doma (or something like that). Food was authentic (I think) and great. Accompanied good alcohol - nice house wine in the Greek place, and a dark Czech lager in the Czech place.

But it was finally reading the intro in the guide book about Australia's history that shocked me somewhat. I had already known their attitude towards the aboriginal people, but having hard kinda made it hit home a bit more. It seems that only the the late 1970's (I think 1978) the Aboriginal people were recognised as citizens. Gosh! Considering they had been there for about 60,000 yeras already! Up till now, Australia has refused to apologise for the way their colonial ancestors have treated (or mis-treated rather) the Aborigines (no wonder a number of my non-white friends have felt an air of racism about the country) . In the last 20 years, there have been more efforts by some prominent people to make a move towards reconciliation. Lets hope they make progress in that.

Syyyd-niii, here I come!!

Very excited about going to Sydney - though I am not looking forward to having to wake up super early to catch my 6.40am flight. Main reason for going is for a friend's wedding. And I get to spend about 2 days with her before most of the guests arrive. Haven't seen Adrene for about 3 years, so am looking forward to catching up. Plus of course, I need a holiday! So hopefully I can unwind, relax and be a tourist for a week (I'm not even bringing my laptop!). And also catch some sun. Its real windy today, and raining heavily so can't say I'm not glad to escape this weather!

So hopefully the next week will consist of good food, quality time with a good and old friend before she gets hitched, more good food, lots of walking around (hopefully in the sun), new and interesting experiences (I've already done some tourist stuff there), scintillating conversations (my workmate Val will holidaying with me) and again, more good food!

Crash

A complex and intense movie looking at a day in the life of various characters set in post 9-11 LA. The movie explores racial attitudes and prejudices through the eyes of the characters who are all from different ethnicities - black, hispanic, white, persian, chinese. Although it features a number of Hollywood stars, the movie is so refreshingly un-Hollywood (thank goodness!).

Stereotypes, generalisations, arrogance. These are some of the factors that lead to prejudice. [Prejudice is a subject that has been on my mind - though more of gender prejudices and class (rich-poor) prejudices.] Its amazing what stereotyping a person based on the colour of skin can lead to. Its amazing how those at the top of the pile can get away with so much. How easy it is to accuse someone else because of their prejudiced views, and yet we can walk away with our own set of prejudiced views.

"So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples." John 13:34,35

Jesus' command has no room for prejudices, yet those who call themselves disciples of Jesus can be filled with prejudice. But isn't it interesting, that the mark of a follower is not how much they sing, or pray, or donate, but in their love for one another.

"Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is born of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God - for God is love." 1 John 4:7,8

What would the world be like, if we could show this kind of love. Even if a quarter of the world actively lives out this kind of love, the world would be a better place. Its tough challenge. But I hope that one day, people will know I am a follower of Jesus because I have shown for others, as as Jesus did.

Omagh

Intense drama based on a true story surrounding the Omagh bombing by the real IRA in 1998. The IRA had declared a ceasefire and the the breakaway group who called themselves the 'real' IRA were not happy. The bomb was their statement of protest. This drama depicts the struggle of a father who tries to look for justice following his son's death in the bombing. The movie gives time for you to get to know the family and the glimpse of the relationships within the family before and after the bombing. The father, a quiet, unassuming man became a spokeperson for the families affected the the Omagh bomb.

They uncover the shroud of secrecy surrounding the case and why the perpetrators were not brought to justice - all for the sake of the peace agreement. It raised questions of what trade-offs do we make. Who has to suffer? Who determines what is the greater good? Who determines what sacrifices have to be made? The bomb killed 29 people. The authorities gave them empty promises of justice. Eventually, the families raised support to pay for a private prosecution of the terrorists. Is that justice? Does the means (dropping the investigation) support the end (the Peace agreement)?

Made me wonder. According to various theories, US intelligence had clues about a major terrorist attack which was to be Sept 11 incidents. Did they let it happen so that the 'War on Terror' could be declared? Or perhaps I'm just too cynical...

Kuching

Its now been almost 3 weeks since I have returned from Kuching, to rush to my grandmother's bedside and her subsequent funeral. Most of the time I had a strange feeling - like I belonged (I did grow up and live there for almost 18 years), and yet like I didn't belong. I have been away for a long time, and since then (despite sporadic visits back) there have been lots of changes - new roads, new buildings. Enough to make it quite disorienting. I had a sense of nostalgia there. Most of the places I wanted to eat at were places that I remember from my childhood, or shops that I frequented before I left. Maybe the nostalgia was due to the fact that I realised that I wasn't sure when I would ever return. Because of that, one afternoon I decided to walk around town taking some photos of which to remember it by (photo: looking down the river to the city centre).

My grandmother was the last real link to my hometown. My family lives here in NZ, and frankly, there is no one that I am really close to, that I would want to visit. I have some relatives, but none of which I would want to make the time and effort to go and visit. Anyway, they can come over to visit. Relationships with most of my friends have changed. Actually, I would much rather spend the money visiting new places and explanding my horizons. I wonder if Kuching has now become a place of memories and sentimental value.

Although at times, I feel like I don't know where I belong, I guess I feel an affinity towards New Zealand. While I was in Kuching, I was longing to hear about how things were back here. At that time the tri-nations were on, so I wanted to be updated with rugby results! And also, to find out if England was beating Aussie in the Ashes! I guess those are sure signs of where I have now planted roots.

Makan!! (Eat)

My first meal with a friend. Been only out for 2 meals a day, since I got here. A real Malaysian would have had about 4-5 meals a day. So Celina was helping me make up for it in one meal! We had tomato mee, grilled fish with chilli paste, Indian rojak, plain roti, banana roti, and 'cha kueh' which is fried turnip cake. Yum.... continuing my food odysey here.

Visiting hours

The first thing dad and I did when we got here was to go and see Ah Mah at the hospital. I was relieved to get to see her. Since then we have been visiting her at the hospital 2-3 times a day. Mum has 9 siblings so we make sure there is at least 1 person at the hospital at all times. It has been good to see all my uncles and aunties and some cousins again. Its been close to 6 years since I saw most of them, though I think this is somewhat a bitter-sweet reunion for us.

I think we are all somewhat ready for her passing. Funeral plans have already been made. As much as we would all like to have her with us, she would be huge frustrated by her limitations: she is currently in a coma, can’t see or talk, not able to move her legs or right side, and her kidneys are not functioning. Family has always been important for Ah Mah, and all her children are back here together, and that would make her very happy. So we hope that she passes on in peace

It's now 9:42pm. My body is already confused what time it is. Will arrive in Kuching about midnight and head straight to the hospital from there. Seemed like such a long flight. Maybe becuase its a rush against time. The latest update about Ah Mah before dad and I headed for the airport was that her body was swelling. Perhaps they are not doing any more dialysis. Just hope we get there in time.

Meanwhile, I am sitting in the Golden lounge and enjoying (bad) wireless connection. Better than nothing I guess. And trying to enjoy the services, but I think I am too tired. At least the air-conditioning in here is nice and cool. But perhaps its too nice cos I'm fading. My body is screaming "Bed! Bed!" Another flight and a long drive to the airport to go. I should be prepping myself for what is ahead soon. But I am tired. And I don't know what to expect. How do you prepare yourself to see someone who is near death?

from KLIA

It's now 9:42pm. My body is already confused what time it is. Will arrive in Kuching about midnight and head straight to the hospital from there. Seemed like such a long flight. Maybe becuase its a rush against time. The latest update about Ah Mah before dad and I headed for the airport was that her body was swelling. Perhaps they are not doing any more dialysis. Just hope we get there in time.

Meanwhile, I am sitting in the Golden lounge and enjoying (bad) wireless connection. Better than nothing I guess. And trying to enjoy the services, but I think I am too tired. At least the air-conditioning in here is nice and cool. But perhaps its too nice cos I'm fading. My body is screaming "Bed! Bed!" Another flight and a long drive to the airport to go. I should be prepping myself for what is ahead soon. But I am tired. And I don't know what to expect. How do you prepare yourself to see someone who is near death?

The rich young ruler

Did a talk on the rich young ruler from Mark 10 in CU yesterday. It was really good reading up on the passage and digging in deep into it. Its amazing how his initial eagerness and enthusiasm melted away when he had to give up his riches. He even walked away grieving. I can't help but wonder whether it is even harder to walk away from wealth or the pursuit of wealth in this day and age. Esp. in a capitalistic society when wealth is everything - power, security... (hmm.. but then wealth has always represented that.)

I hang around with students who are always complaining they are poor. But then, most people I know who complain about being poor - me included, are not really living in poverty. I mean we all have the basics - food, shelter, clothes. warmth. And more. So poor, for us, means not being able to afford a better cell phone, going out to eat more often, getting broadband, buying scotch fillet instead of cheap rump steak, etc. In other words, poor has come to mean not affording luxuries, which we now consider as necessities.

p/s When I got back from my talk I opened an email to find a link to this site. Try and it, and see where you are on the rich list!

What's your theological worldview?

I took the quiz, and not really surprisingly came out...

"You scored as Emergent/Postmodern. You are Emergent/Postmodern in your theology. You feel alienated from older forms of church, you don't think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this. "

For those interested, here is the link for the quiz.

You will always have the poor among you

I'm not sure I can fully understand what Jesus says here. It appears in context of the woman who annoints him with the expensive bottle of perfume, and the disciples were commenting on it being a waste of money. But what I am increasingly beginning to grasp is Jesus' call to his followers and also his example of caring for the poor. In fact, al the way back in Deuteronomy there was instructions on caring for the poor. The poor have always had a special place in God's heart.

It seems the world's rich boys'club have made a decision on debt relief (click here for the BBC report). I think that is a great start, but I think it is the responsibility of the richer nations to help the poorer nations of the world. OK. That sounds like an ideal situation. But it is simply an extrapolation of the responsibilities of the rich towards the poor.

In saying that, I hoping these nations wouldn't feel too smug about themselves and pat themselves on the back too much. Its about time they did something about debt relief. But a much bigger issue hangs in the balance. Trade. Giving money (or dropping debt for that matter) do help. But if rich countries don't work towards fair trade, then the poor nations are back in square one. They are not able to make a living for themselves. They are already on the backfoot - technology, systems in place etc. But if the US or EU don't cut subsidies to their own producers, then poorer countries like Africa will be dumped with cheap food surpluses. Food that the rich don't need, but sold at prices cheaper than the African farmers can produce. Let's see what the rich boys put on the table after this debt relief offer.

Does evil exist?

We had a discussion about in this in one of our Uni SE meetings. Well, it wasn't really the topic but seeped into the discussion. Some people don't think that evil exists. I wasn't very sure about it, but then I went to the Human Rights Film Festival and watched a movie about innocent Burmese girls, taken from their villages and tricked into a life of prostitution in Thailand. They usually come form poor families and are told that they will get work in the city - washing dishes, cleaning etc. - and thus be able to earn some money to help their family. So scared, but optimistic about the prospect of supporting their family, they go along with these smugglers and are taken to brothels and similar such places. They don't really understand what is happening. Some of them eventually contract STDs.

After watching that, I was pretty sure that evil exists. And its not just a force, but some people are evil. They knowingly trick and manipulate innocent people to lead life of misery so they can profit from it. It is beyond just greed and selfishness. There has to be an element of evil in it. And that is just one example.

Make Poverty History

2005 has been designated the year to make lots of noise and make a difference and to make poverty history. There is a global campaign launched to end poverty as we finally have the resources, knowledge and opportunity to do so. Click here to check out the campaign in NZ.

We are the first generation that can look extreme and stupid poverty in the eye, look across the water to Africa and elsewhere and say this and mean it: we have the cash, we have the drugs, we have the science, butdo we have the will? Do we have the will to make poverty history? Some say we can't afford to. I say we can't afford not to.
- Bono, 29 September, 2004

An excerpt...

An excerpt for Life of Pi which I am currently reading (and enjoying).

There are always those who take it upon themselves to defend God, as if Ultimate Reality, as if the sustaining frame of existence, were something weak and helpless. These people walk by a widow deformed with leprosy, begging for a few paise, walk by children dressed in rags living in the street, and they think, "Business as usual". But if they perceive a slight against God, it is a different story. Their faces go red, their chests heave mightily, they sputter angry words. The degree of their indignation is astonishing. Their resolve is frightening.

These people fail to realise that it is on the inside that God must be defended, not on the outside. They should direct their anger at themselves. For evil in the open is but evil from within that has been let out. The main battlefield for good is not the open ground of the public arena but the small clearing from each heart. Meanwhile, the lot of widows and homeless children is very hard, and it is to their defense, not God's, that the self-righteous should rush.

a (belated) tribute

Postdate-dated, but nonetheless, still a tribute. During his life, I never really bothered to find out more about him and what contributions he has made. But with the failing his health and his subsequent death and funeral, there has been lots of snippets of the Pope John Paul II's life.

He somehow reminds me of Paul. Paul was passionate. His life showed it. He was passionate about Jesus and about sharing the teachings of Jesus. The Pope was also passionate about Jesus and never wavered from that. He was also passionate about justice (or injustice as it is) and spoke up for the down-trodden.

I reflect on my own life and wonder... if I died now, what would people say I was passionate about? I'm not sure if I would like the answers! How does one develop a life that is lived out of passion. Blogging about it gives clues about what I am interesting in. But I want it to reflect in my life. I want people around me to pick up from my actions and words, what my passions are. Thats hard.

Also in a day and age, when people that seems to have integrity one day betray that trust, it has been refreshing to know that there has been a man of recent times who stood for justice, for Jesus and was man of humility and of integrity. And I bet, Jesus would have welcomed him saying, "Good on ya, mate!"

What is church?

Don't worry. Not a lengthy discourse. Last Sunday (err... make that 2 Sundays ago). We had a combined church service with the Chinese Methodist Church (who use our building for their services on Sunday afternoons.) However, due to the International Women's Bike race that took place in Wellington (and caused the closure of inner city streets), the service had to take place on Sunday evening instead.

As part of the service, each church talk about what they were about. Can't remember much, but the CMC said one of their goals was to win people to Christ. Not a bad goal - being a church. But, one of pastors who spoke on behalf of Central summed Central as being inclusive, showing compassion and creating community. Well, they certainly have shown that to accept a cynical, questionning, non-institutional-conforming person like me *phew*.

Sin

Such a loaded word. A word I struggle to explain what it means because it seems so damning. I guess it is. At our last young adult SE group, we discussed sin. Someone brought up a point from a book they had read: sin is when we do not know our true selves (apologies for my bad verbatim quote).

I like that concept. It is more freeing and yet more challenging at the same time. Sometimes talking about sin can end up in guilt bashing, or it may seem that there is no ounce of good or nobility. It can be a very depressing topic when talking about doing wrong, being rebellious and all that. It’s all very negative wording. I’m not trying to make sin sound nice – it isn’t nice. But sin as a concept of a state of being when we do not know our true selves seems a lot less condemning.

If we are made in the image of God, then our true selves is one that is good. When we know our true self, that can be one way for us to connect to God. For example, in the garden of Eden Adam and Eve only started to cover themselves up after eating the fruit. That was where they starting hiding parts of who they are. And this is why we don’t know our true selves. We put on layers and masks, because we learn very early on from our environment (family, peers, society) that certain ways of thinking, certain ways of behaving, certain ways of expressing ourselves etc. are more acceptable than others. Thus we start to put on layers to cover up who we truly are (and cover up our true selves).

How does Christ fit into this? Christ offers grace. Grace frees us to start peeling off the layers because we are accepted for who we truly are. The work of Christ on the cross conveys unconditional love, so I am free to be me – that surely is life in abundance.

"The first step toward finding God, Who is Truth, is to discover the truth about myself: and if I have been in error, this first step to truth is the discovery of my error." Thomas Merton

Being lovable

Decided to introduce myself to Father Kev (Catholic chaplain at uni) today. I’ve been involved with group at university for 18 months now, but until now hadn’t introduced myself to this cool, jazz piano playing chaplain. Anyway, I digress… We sat down for a random chat and he proceeded to tell me theological stuff he’s been mulling over. He’s been thinking through some concepts of the trinity. He was talking about how the trinity is in a loving relationship with each other. Each is perfectly loving, and each is perfectly lovable.

That just kinda made me think for a moment. We can love God because God is a lovable being – God can receive our love. i.e. God is not just loved just because of who he is, but because part of the character of God is he is lovable. For me, I have always understood the whole ‘we love God’ concept as us giving love, but not really seen it as God being a lovable being. I find it easier to see humans as lovable creatures because we are more ‘needy’ and the fact that God loves us. But we are lovable, because God also is lovable and we are made in the image of God. And if love is not boastful or proud, than Love is capable of receiving love.

This sense of being lovable is central to our well-being. In a state of unhealthiness, people think they are unlovable. The perception of being unlovable destroys all aspects of a person’s being (e.g. last week at university there was a real tragedy – a student fell 6 floors in a suspected suicide). A healthy person understands that he or she is lovable and accepts love. And what better love to accept than a perfect love offered only by God.

More thoughts on prayer

Been thinking more about the whole prayer thing. The good news is I don’t totally not believe in it. I think I have problems with certain types of prayer. At the moment, I can cope with a more generalised prayer. Its kinda specific prayer that I find hard. Its really hard to explain. For example, I guess I would have problems if someone prayed that God would heal my arm (which still in a cast). Maybe because I am sceptical. And maybe because I equate that with some kind of immediate result. On the other hand, if they prayed that my bone would heal well, I might find that easier to take (not that the prayer is directed to me anyway).

Being in christian ministry, I end up going to many meetings. It seems customary to end Christian meetings (the committee/planning kind) with prayer. I am uncomfortable with that because it almost seems like a shopping list prayer, as you pray about what you talked about. It seems too much like a habitual Christian way to end a meeting. At the moment, I feel more able to start with a prayer cos at the start you’re feeling a bit more vulnerable than at the end, when all decisions have been made.

Maybe what I struggle with is what we have made of prayer. The whole ‘ask-and-it-shall-be-given-shopping-trolley’ type prayer. Maybe I struggle with that because I don’t have enough faith. Or am too sceptical. But prayer with a sense of our helplessness, a prayer to someone who is bigger and more able. And I guess as Stu has mentioned, prayer as a foolishly faithful act – in our vulnerability, abandoning ourselves to God. That kind of prayer I find strangely comforting. Maybe it is a product of foolish faith.

Check this out!

A site in progress, but it is up! The Spirited Exchanges website is online. What is SE anyway? SE has been my faith community. It provides support for those like me who are straggling on the borders of faith. Provides a safe place for me to ask questions and cope with my angst about Christian stuff. And yet allows me to explore the depths of a faith in God.

So, yeah. Go check it out! www.spiritedexchanges.org.nz

Major OUCH!

It’s been more than a week since I broke the bone in the joint of my elbow. So I have been learning to cope with the limitations that come with having my left arm in a cast and a sling:
1. only using one hand to type – makes what is already a slow process even slower.
2. can’t drive cos my elbow is bent at about a 100° angle to help it heal at a proper angle.
3. trouble opening tight jar or bottle covers
4. can't spread my toast if the table to too high
5. can't do any cutting/chopping in prep for cooking
6. no able to take photos on my SLR (like I was supposed to do for my friend’s wedding in the weekend!)
7. basically, most things that require the use of 2 hands simultaneously.

I can’t straighten the fingers on my left hand cos those muscles are attached to the elbow so it makes it painful. And because the cast on my elbow is big and juts out somewhat, I keep banging it into door frames, or doors or chairs etc. though thankfully slight bumps so I haven’t done myself further damage (yet!).

Thank goodness for Tramol (strong painkiller)! Definitely couldn't have done without it so far!

OK. Enough one-handed typing for the day…

That thing called prayer

In the last 2-3 months, I started to regain some sort of confidence again in spoken prayer. Or the whole concept of prayer, really. But after a casual cyber conversation, and someone mentioning to ask Girl A to pray cos their prayers are effective, I once again am starting to doubt the ‘prayer’ thing. Why would one person’s prayer be more effective than another? What does prayer really accomplish? If someone else’s prayer is more effective, then why should I bother? What is prayer about? What the hell is a prayer warrior? Why do some people’s prayer seem to be constantly more effective than others? Is it because the have more faith? What qualifies for someone to have more faith? Does that mean that because I am at a stage where I am questioning lots of things about God and faith, that I have less faith? How do you measure the extent of someone’s faith?

I am off to our staff gathering tomorrow, which I am sure will include quite a bit of prayer in it – a whole week of it. *sigh* Not an easy time when coping with questions of prayer. Hearing people pray just makes me wonder more and hearing the contents of some people’s prayer just makes it worse. I wish we could just have silence during prayer time.

Grrrr...

It took almost 1/2 hour to drive the last 2 kms back to the house today cos I had to stop about 6 or 7 times! The temp gauge was almost hitting the roof. So I would stop, wait for it to cool somewhat and then start the car again and go forward another 200m or so and repeat the process over and over again. I didn't see smoke coming out of the bonnet so I knew I wasn't in big trouble. Got home and then looked under the bonnet.

Actually I had no idea what I was doing, so it was a really good thing that a kind neighbour came out to see what the problem was. He seemed to know about cars so was helping me check out the problem. He thinks it's just the radiator and not anything else, which was a relief cos the car was just serviced 3 weeks ago! (The mechanic mentioned that the radiator was seeping and to bring it in again.) Well, the radiator was filled up 3 weeks ago, but we found it empty just now. Not good at all! Tried putting water in only to find it was leaking out. Definitely not good.

So tomorrow morning, I will put some water in the radiator, cross my fingers, and then quickly drive to the nearest mechanic which is, thankfully, about 1km away.

Bummer way to end the day though.

tasteful 'mind candy'

I'm currently reading the 3rd book in the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency series. Its a really well written series set in Botswana. Precious Ramotswe owns this agency and we follow her continual adventures including trying to trace the origins of a boy doesn't appear to talk (and smells of lion) found in the bushes. I really recommend it. Start with the first book to get the background of how it all starts. Very easy reading, and what I would consider as gourmet 'mind candy'.

pushing the boundaries

Summer cell group has resumed today. We looked at the passage in John 4 where Jesus speaks to the Samaritan woman. I just love how Jesus defies the normal (but prejudiced) practices of that society. Anyway, a couple of things that I enjoyed about that passage:

John 3 looks at a conversation between Jesus and Nicodemus, a man, with status in society, a well educated man. Then in chapter 4, he chats with a Samaritan, not only that, but a woman too, and probably uneducated. Even the disciples were surprised when they came back and saw him talking to the Samaritan woman (although they didn't voice anything). Two extremes of the spectrum. But he relates to each individual at a level where they understood him. What a beautiful picture - a God who relates freely and relevantly to all. What an amazing example for those who follow him, esp in this day and age of all sorts of prejudices.

Jesus little blurb on worship - worshipping God in spirit and in truth. I used to think it was about being honest before God and giving it everything during "times of worship". But my take on it now (helped by a couple of commentaries), is that God is spirit, so worshipping God is spirit means I acknowledge that God is in a different dimension from me, and I seek to acknowledge God in that dimension. In truth, for me means I seek to live out my life according to the truth - the teachings of Jesus. Hmm... this means there is a lot more at stake and a lot more costly than just singing earnestly!